


animosity

by sarahshelena



Series: the sestra's souls [1]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Daemon Separation, Daemons, F/F, Implied/Referenced Incest, Same-Sex Daemons, Series, Timeline What Timeline, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 07:18:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11458719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahshelena/pseuds/sarahshelena
Summary: when all your experiences with your other half are full of pain and panic, what else is there to go on? how can there be anything other than fear?





	animosity

**Author's Note:**

> **STORY NOTE: THIS AU**
> 
> based on the 'his dark materials' book universe in which people's souls live outside their bodies in the form of an animal that reflects their human's personality.)
> 
> same-sex dæmons are rare, but just to make this AU a little different, and to signify the rarity of clones, all genetic identicals have a dæmon the same gender as the one they themselves were assigned at birth. to simplify: the leda clones have female dæmons and the castor clones have male dæmons.
> 
> **DÆMON FORMS**
> 
> [helena's dæmon](https://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/post/159040319668/1-of-o-b-w-i-t-h-d-%C3%A6-m-o-n-s-by) akakia (pronounced a-kay-she-aa) is a cape ratel, also known as a honey badger, shown [here](http://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/tagged/honey-badger)
> 
> it is arguably the most fearless, ferocious and intelligent animal on earth, one of the most naturally gifted escape artists and is known for eating porcupines and venomous snakes, raiding beehives, kidnapping baby cheetahs and stealing food from lions; I always knew the honey badger was perfect for her.
> 
> * * *
> 
> [sarah's dæmon](https://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/post/159042866283/3-of-o-b-w-i-t-h-d-%C3%A6-m-o-n-s-by) atë (pronounced "AH-tay") is a black canadian timber wolf shown [here](http://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/tagged/wolf). 
> 
> wolves can be savage and merciless, and they can also be nurturing. sarah is no different. wolves are pack animals. they rarely live or travel alone. sarah is strongest when she has her family, which is why I chose a wolf for her, among many other reasons.
> 
> * * *
> 
> art's daemon is a female maned wolf (though it is a canid, it is not part of the wolf species) shown [here](http://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/tagged/maned-wolf). I don't have a name for her, as I don't know how much I'll be writing with his character.
> 
> * * *
> 
> I have made a [playlist](https://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/post/163800032423/half-the-world-away-a-playlist-for-helena-and) for helena and her daemon on spotify

_“The soul is an irrational, indivisible equation that perfectly expresses one thing: you. The soul would be no good to the devil if it could be destroyed. And it is not lost when placed in Satan's care, as is so often said. He always knows exactly how to put his finger on it.”_

― Joe Hill, _Horns_

* * *

All of Sarah’s experiences with Helena’s dæmon had been, to put it lightly, unpleasant.

But to be blunt, Sarah was “bloody terrified” of “that thing”.

The first time she'd encountered Akakia, the honey badger had held her down for Helena to kill. Sarah had been so horrified that another dæmon would use physical force against her, she was too weak to shove her away, the nausea that rose within her from the breaking of the great taboo kept her down; but even if it hadn't existed, the honey badger was powerfully muscled and heavy. Sarah couldn't have shoved her off even if she had tried.

Sarah could still remember the crushing weight of the honey badger on her chest all too vividly, a wooden-handled fish blade held steadily over her. She could still feel the breath of her twin’s dæmon searing her cheek when she snarled.

Atë, Sarah's wolf-dæmon stood by, growling so fiercely Sarah couldn't remember ever seeing her so angry and scared. But the dæmon atop Sarah's chest screeched hoarsely back in response and snapped at Sarah's face, making her flinch.

Finding her voice had been like screaming underwater, but it was what saved her. That and the rod of rebar that she delivered straight to Helena's liver. The honey badger fell off of Sarah like she'd been paralysed, and Helena managed to pick her up, left handed and half-drag her away. Atë, unable to step in until that moment, helped Sarah, who was in shock, stand up and let her woman lean on her until Art arrived, his long-legged maned wolf dæmon panting beside him, and she nosed at Atë, who was also in obvious distress.

Sarah couldn't get the crushing feeling out of her heart for days following the incident.

Akakia was a constant presence whenever Helena crossed Sarah's path. An unsettling, ominous presence.

But this was right, this was natural. Your dæmon could never be without you, or you them. This was one unshakeable truth, only in horror stories and unspeakable real life accounts that frightened regular people too much for them to pay it any mind, did this ever differ.

* * *

But the first time Sarah saw neither hide nor hair of Akakia was what scared her the most about her twin’s dæmon.

Watching a blood-spattered shadow wearing her sister’s face lope into view and spit on Daniel as he bled out wasn't what scared her. It was the utter lack of a soul following her, the absence of a dæmon. She was nowhere to be seen.

Sarah began to scream in utter terror, convinced that this was Helena back from the dead.

“Shhhhh….” Helena hissed, creeping closer, “Hello, _sestra_ ,” she rasped, “Good to see you.”

Her gaze fell upon Atë, who was zip-tied to a bathroom cabinet by the neck, and she giggled. Atë yelped, petrified, her claws skittering on the tile in an effort to get as far away from her as possible.

“Helena, what, what are you doing here?” Sarah cried, “Where's your dæmon?” she gulped, dreading the answer.

“Shhhh, Akakia can go very far from me. She is well, and safe from the fish people.”

“I- I _shot_ you, you were _dead!”_ Sarah cried, shaking uncontrollably, “You were dead!”

“Yes, you did,” Helena’s voice dropped ominously, and she whispered, “It’s a miracle.”

She dropped her gaze, as if to look for her dæmon, but found only Atë, dark eyes wide with fear.

The fear became panic when Sarah's body was enfolded in Helena's; she had no dæmon to hold, and so she embraced Sarah. She barely heard the anguished sobs that shook their bodies, all she heard was her sister's heartbeat beneath her breast, and she nuzzled against the comforting sound. Atë whined, a single high-pitched note, begging wordlessly.

The jarring reality of their twin existing without her dæmon had shattered them; this creature that had been born with Sarah would never be complete. She was damaged beyond any kind of repair. There would never be any way to smooth over or erase what had been done to her. The very fabric of her being had been altered. How they hadn't seen it before was incomprehensible.

Afterwards, Sarah could barely look at Helena without cringing, and Atë stuck closely beside Sarah, even closer than usual, deeply disturbed by the honey badger’s absence, but they couldn't ask what had happened to her. The words could barely form in their minds without fear.

* * *

Sarah was almost relieved when they did see her again, though she felt that same fear for what she didn't understand. How was this possible?

Helena sat atop a table, sniper rifle poised in front of her, with Akakia standing beneath the legs of her chair, a feral snarl rattling out of her when Sarah entered the room, Art following behind her, his maned wolf-dæmon barking out instructions, to which Akakia spat furiously.

But all Sarah saw was Helena, though her mind was on Felix. She crept as close as she dared, which was a lot closer than Atë could. As soon as the wolf-dæmon was about ten feet away, Akakia began to roar hoarsely in rage, skittering back and forth under Helena’s chair, her brushlike tail held stiffly up and curled over her back, hacking and snarling in a clear message: _stay away._

Helena spoke to her briefly in Ukrainian before bending her head to look through the scope. Her hair was wild, and more beautiful than Sarah had ever seen it: a mass of blonde curls that reached halfway down Helena’s back.

Atë didn't take another step; her tail was held straight out from her body, quivering. Her nose twitched as she fought the urge to snarl back at Helena’s dæmon, but she knew it might escalate the situation. She knew Helena’s unpredictability, and her dæmon’s; the two of them together again were more dangerous than she liked to think of.

When Sarah stepped in front of the rifle; Atë surged forward to push her out of the line of fire, but a savage rattling hiss from under the chair kept her where she was. The honey badger, though furious, didn't budge from where she was. It seemed that, despite their separation, Akakia was unwilling to leave Helena’s side when she was with her.

When Sarah had managed to talk Helena down from the desk, she slid an arm around her neck, pulling her into a half hug. From the way Akakia was eyeing Atë, there would be very little chance of them embracing. Akakia set off at a trotting pace, tail held high and snarled at Art, whose unshakeable maned wolf-dæmon slunk behind his legs as she passed them.

* * *

It didn't feel like the animosity between Sarah, Atë and Akakia would ever lessen. There were too many traumatic experiences; these wouldn't just go away. But Sarah held them in the forefront of her mind, feeding the fear.

She didn't think about Helena when she recoiled from her sister, or when their dæmons snapped at each other or what it meant. There was little depth to Sarah’s thinking, and this was what hurt the most.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment. they mean even more than kudos. it really means the world to me to know why you read my fics and why you like them, because I cannot fathom it. thanks anyway and I appreciate you. hope the feeling is returned.


End file.
